


Dapperman!

by cinder1013



Category: Glee
Genre: !crack, Hypnosis, M/M, Phineas & Ferb - Freeform, kitty!kurt, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-16
Updated: 2012-04-16
Packaged: 2017-11-03 18:42:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/384609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinder1013/pseuds/cinder1013
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian "The Smyte" Smythe and his cat, Kurt, are dertermined to take over the (thunder) Tri-State Area!!!! but Dapperman! will stop him. Maybe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dapperman!

He slid his fingers along the lid of his bowler, "A simple burning rope bridge disappearing beneath my feet is hardly enough to stop Dapperman!"

"Pity."

"And why is that?"

"Because crushed by falling boulders is such an ignoble way to die."

Kurt looked up and uttered a soft meow. On that signal, twelve boulders fell. Popping open his trusty umbrella, Blaine whirled and twirled in the air, dodging each one, only to be caught at the end. Kurt meowed softly again and a steel cage Blaine hadn’t seen because he’d been dodging boulders, snapped shut around him.

Sebastian laughed, almost knocking Kurt out of his lap, who looked quite disgruntled. "I said it would work. Didn't I, pet?"

"And what did he say?" Blaine asked.

"Who?"

"Kurt. What did he say when you told him it would work?"

"He didn't say anything. He's a cat." Sebastian slowly stood, allowing the young man in his lap to slide gracefully to the floor. Kurt was pretty, with brown hair and blue-green eyes. He had two white cat ears attached to his head by a headband and a tail made from a strip of cloth. He wasn’t wearing anything else, which caused Blaine to blush and avert his eyes. “And just look, I have you now.” Sebastian cackled. “There’s no way you can stop me! Soon, all of the tri-state area will feel my wrath! Witness my greatest inator! The tomato disappearinator!" Stepping to his right, Sebastian yanked the sheet away from a machine that looked like a vacuum with a mohawk. "With this, I will suck up every tomato in the tri-state area and chop them into oblivion! No tomatoes means no pizza sauce! Then, there will be no pizza!" Clenching his fists, Sebastian raised them to the sky. "I will hold every pizza night in the tri-state area hostage until Lima, Ohio agrees to make me, Sebastian Smythe, her Evil Overlord of Doom!" Thunder resounded through the cavern. Kurt yelped and hid under the chair.

"Yeah, I don't think we're going to let you do that." Two girls in cheerleader costumes with gold masks tied across their eyes lept down from the boulders.

"The Cheerio Twins!" Sebastian smirked. "And just how do you think you're going to stop me?"

"San, couldn't they just use the tomato sauce in jars?" the blonde whispered.

The brunette seemed to think about that. "Yeah, why can't we just use the tomato sauce in jars? And who cares about pizza night anyway?"

"I do," Dapperman volunteered, but everyone ignored him.

"I...I didn't think of that. Ever since my lonely childhood I in Giebelstadt -"

"Zip it! Way too late for a sobby childhood backstory now."

Sebastian shrugged. "I was only making it up anyway. So, this looks like a bust. Back to the drawing board. Come, Kurt." He opened the big wooden door behind the dais he'd been sitting on. "Curse you, Cheerio Twins! I will have my revenge!" Then he disappeared through the door and Kurt crawled after him.

"Go us!" The blonde Cheerio Twin yelled.

"All in a day's work for two awesome bitches like us. Now, let's go home and have sex."

"Yay!"

The girls disappeared the same way they came, ascending the walls and exiting through a hole in the roof.

"Guys?" Blaine called out pitifully. "Guys? Is somebody going to let me go? Guys?"

[ Later in Sebastian's Evil Lair ]

In Sebastian's apartment, deep inside his mountain lair, Kurt curled up on the couch. Seb settled down next to him, a beer in hand. Then he snapped his fingers twice. Kurt looked up, a bit sleepy, but he woke up quick when he realized he was naked. Ripping off his ears, he screeched in rage. 

"You turned me into a cat again, didn't you?"

Sebastian laughed until his sides hurt. "Pretty kitty," he gasped out.

"I hate you!"

"Aww, don't be like that." Pulling him close, Sebastian grabbed his ass and tugged on the fabric tail. "I'll make it up to you."

"You always say that. You're such a wretch."

"I always make it up to you. Besides, you make such a cute kitten."

"You're not helping yourself."

"Aww, baby, how about I buy you that sweater you want?"

Kurt cocked his head to the side, thoughtful. "I wouldn't get to wear it much since you keep hypnotizing me and turning me into a cat."

"Meoowww!"

Getting up off the couch, Kurt searched around for his pants or a t-shirt at least.

"Don't put on clothes. I like you naked."

Kurt sniffed. Finding his shirt, he pulled it on.

"Well, I suppose the good part is still naked."

"You know, this is why you never get any."

Sebastian smirked. "Got some last night and I know you liked it. You were gagging for it. More, more, Sebastian, fuck me harder."

"You are completely disgusting."

"Kuuurrt."

Kurt ignored him.

"Kuuurrrt."

Kurt ignored him.

"Kuuurrrrt."

"What!!!???"

Getting up, Sebastian wrapped his arms around his snarly boyfriend. "I promise to make it up to you. I will take you to bed and make love to you so many times you pass out. I will kiss and suck every inch of you from your pretty toes to your slender neck."

"And?"

"And, umm, buy you a pretty diamond collar?"

"No, you will stop turning me into..." He thought about that for a moment. "All right, for a diamond collar. And I'll play your cat, but no more hypnotism."

"And I get to take you to bed right now and fuck you through the mattress."


End file.
